four months is strong and soft and chubby, all pink cheeks and dimpled hands and chins that roll like the waves of the sea. it is cozying into the cove of mama's neck and coming in for gummy, open mouthed kisses. it furrowing a brow over curious eyes and swiveling a neck back and forth to smile at strangers and see more and more and more. it is gazing at hands for whole stretches of time and gathering fistfuls of mama's shirt and holding on tight. it is mornings in bed, just the two of us, reading to the lighthouse and looking beyond the window and listening to the songs of birds of spring. it is a cocked eyebrow and a soul that is soothed by edelweiss and clair de lune. it is a button nose and dreaming under trees and relaxing into bathwater with a sigh and walking with papa, just the two of them, in the earliest hours of saturdays. it is eyes shining with papa's twinkle and a spirit bursting with mama's will. it is blowing bubbles and licking the wind and finding peace and calm and sleep pressed to mama's heartbeat in just the way we were perfectly, beautifully, shaped to fit. it is a high trill and deep belly laughs and conversations with angels and god and people i myself cannot see. it is cerulean eyes and lashes of spun gold and a smile that will undo me all the rest of my days. it is breath forever caught in my heart-stilled chest.