six months, and then some.

central park is so stunningly beautiful today, a canvas of painted marigolds and rusts, that i laid my eyes upon her and wept.

baby and i padded along, just the two of us, and i filled my pockets with thoughts of what it is to walk in the park, carrying this baby, the only autumn this baby will breathe through my body, on a brilliant october day.

//

i search joy for all of its synonyms and i find language outdone.

there is no word for all that it is and all that it has been to grow this baby this half year -- to gaze upon images of this perfect creature with cheeks like pudding and spine a curved strand of pearls. it's like staring into heaven.

but i read last week that scientists have just watched two stars collide, rocking the universe and distorting spacetime and emitting light and precious metals -- the beginnings of stars, the origin of gold, creation story -- and i understand that this has got everything to do with that.